Red Hair and Black Leather

Beyond the Stars

2008-10-11T19:10:00.000-07:00

Quote:
"...someday we'll meet beyond the stars and it will be away from here. someday we'll meet beyond the limits of who we are
and it will be away from here..." [August] by Rilo Kiley

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2008-10-11T18:59:00.001-07:00

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Welcome Me Back!

2006-09-25T07:55:00.000-07:00

Ok, so after a long absence and an addiction to MySpace, of which I have now fully recovered, I am back to blogland.

My experience with MySpace was a positive one. I really liked the atmosphere and reconnected with a lot of people I had lost touch with. Hopefully, I can direct those all to hear and actually have a readership here again. My MySpace was getting about 20 hits a day and I made a lot of wonderful friends there. It was just time to move away for awhile. It started to really consume me, like any addition. I'd get anxious if I couldn't get on for a day. And my life is really too full to be so dependent.

So, what else is going on with me?

Teaching 8th grade, going to school at night. I'm in a great program with an awesome bunch of people that I've gotten really close to. I'm going to a church that I love. I've recently been going through a family crisis that is beyond imagination, and that for many reasons, I can't discuss here. But it's been surreal and heartbreaking. It's made me very thankful for my husband who has been wonderful to me through it all. It has also made me appreciate the friends I have now, and miss some that have fallen by the wayside. I think of those broken friendships often and how important they were to me when they were a big part of who I was.

I want to make a new start here, and hopefully bring over some of my MySpace friends, at least as readers and I hope that I make new friends while I'm here.
***************************************************************************
Lyrics: "Love Me or Hate Me" [this song right now plays in my car almost every time I am in it. It's also my cell ring tone, because this is just the way I look at things right now. I want to be loved, and many do love me, and if you can't see what's good in me and about me, get the heck outta my way because I don't need you.]
* by Lady Sovereign

yeah ...i'ts officially the biggest midget in the game
I dunno....
make way for the S.O.V.

love me or hate me it's still an obsession
love me or hate me that is the question
if you love me then thank you
if you hate me then fuck you

love me or hate me it's still an obsession
love me or hate me that is the question
if you love me then thank you
if you hate me then fuck you

I'm fat I need a diet
no infact im just enlighten, enlighten
got the biggest breasts
but I write all the verses
i got hairy armpits
but I dont walk around like this
i wear a big baggy tshirt that hides that nasty shit
errr
no I have my nails done
bite them down and faught the nun
im the one with non exsistant bum
now I don't really give a urghhh
im missing my shepards pie
like a high name chick missing a diamond
I'm missing me clipin' lights
now bow down to your royal highness
no I don't own a corgy
I'm not gonna trip that
cos I go there
go on then go on report me
im english try and deport me

love me or hate me it's still an obsession
love me or hate me that is the question
if you love me then thank you
if you hate me then fuck you

love me or hate me its still an obsession
love me or hate me that is the question
if you love me then thank you
if you hate me then fuck you

More Top Celebrity Crushes

2005-07-20T06:40:00.000-07:00

Ten MORE Celebrity Crushes:
(after much pondering this list, I realized these names also belong on my personal list)

10. Timothy Hutton (he is dreamy!)
9. David Duchovny (he could debrief me anytime!)
8. Ewan McGregor
7. Cillian Murphy (he was in the new Batman Begins as the bad guy. He has the greatest lips ever!)
6. Jason and Jeremy London (since they're brothers, I won't give them two spots! I couldn't choose!!)
5. Jason Lee (he is hilarious!)
4. Michael Rapaport (I think he would be the coolest guy to hang out with. Before I die, I hope I get to do that :) )
3. Josh Lucas (even though I usually pride myself on liking the uncommon celebrity hunk, those eyes......)
2. Ben Chaplin (the accent...I hope it's real!!)
1. Cole Hauser (I'll sit through bad movies to see him, but he looks his best in "White Oleander!")

More may follow.......

The Sadness Attached To Blogging

2005-07-07T15:56:00.000-07:00

For a long time, I resisted the urge to blog openly. I had a blog that I kept on my University's server and mostly only those who knew me accessed it unless someone happened to surf in following a search-gone-awry. Then, I started reading other Blogspots, or vehicles like Blogspot, and realized that much of what went on in "blogworld" annoyed me and insulted the intelligence of me and most people I know.

For example, people who use their blogs to advertise photos of themselves in vast quantities are desperate and sad. Perfect strangers might like to see ONE of your school pictures or sports team pictures, but once you've pasted those plus 5+ pictures of your friends you've really just wandered across the line of "no one cares" and deep down you already know that. And if you're maxed out on photos all of yourself taken by you with your own digital camera (and none of them are artfully Photoshop'd), I think it's time to start seeing a therapist. Esp. if any of those photos you took of yourself were done using a mirror, which causes that HUGE annoying flash. If said photos include gang signs or drug and alcohol pics (actual drug addicts and gangsters probably don't blog), then really....step away from the computer, shower, and get a job.

What's worse than too many photos of yourself? When you make a photo slideshow that plays on page-load and most of the photos are OF YOU. This makes me want to pray for your soul and then punch you in the throat. Video of any kind on a page, and graphics that require ME to download something I don't already have in order to view YOU are equally annoying and will force me to hate you.

Topics where you and a friend feel the need to seemingly "talk" to each other through your blog or through comments (MySpace) about how wasted you got, what happened on your "wild weekend", etc... is a feeble attempt to exploit the lesser known fact that you might possibly have a non-internet social life. If we know you, then we know about how many times you threw up last Saturday and if we don't know you, what kind of lame person talks about throwing up to complete strangers? This also applies to people who blog, but use code to disguise who they are and who they are talking about. If you write a blog and assume it's being read by people who DON'T know you, why would you further confuse the "conversation" by using aliases, initials, and code? If you're blogging just for people who know you and know your code, just pick up the phone and quit sucking up bandwith.

Posting a sentence followed by the word "baby!!" is not appealing...but is yet, very sad. So is WrItInG LyKe ThIs, posting topless photos (men and women), posting cleavage photos (women), and talking about how much you like sex, have sex, want sex, etc....

Telling someone their crush will call them if they email every person on their address list with some STOOOOPID gift certificate, sappy story, joke, etc.... is just mean. Don't do it. We both know nothing good nor bad will result simply from forwarding JUNK email. All the chain letters do is slow things down and cause Internet companies to put their site down for maintenance. If you email me with one of these, I will create a voodoo doll of you and pour salt into the eyeballs.

You're never going get to a free I-Pod, with no strings attached ever... sorry.

Top 10 Celebrity Crushes

2005-07-01T08:56:00.000-07:00

I have lots to do, which is exactly why I'm making lists like this which take up time that I could be doing actual useful stuff.

The Top Ten Television/Movie Celebrities That I Have A Crush On....

10. Dan Futterman (Vincent, "Judging Amy" - but my crush came way before he was on television. Check out the movie, "Breathing Room").

9. Dhani Harrison (son of the late former Beatle, George Harrison).

8. Tom Cavanagh (TV's "Ed").

7. Paul Rudd (he's at his best in "Object of My Affection" as Jennifer Aniston's gay love interest).

6. Zach Braff (Garden State...'nuff said).

5. Martin Donovan (Saved!, The Opposite of Sex...)

4. Anthony Stewart Head (Buffy, Maxwell House commercials)

3. Dan Abrams (legal correspondent, "The Today Show")

2. Kyle McLachlan

1. JOHN CUSACK

Dancing, Stars, and a bad case of WTF???

2005-06-28T14:47:00.000-07:00

Ok, so the person who damns reality television to hell has found a new passion, and it's "Dancing With The Stars.” B, P, and I can't wait until Wed. each week to gather around the television and see if Joey and Ashly have finally admitted they have the hots for each other. Man, I hope he's divorced!

I was so glad to see Trista get voted off, but Kelly Monaco has got to go. I don't know much about dancing seeing as I only had one year of ballet when I was 6-ish, but I do know that Kelly ain't doin' it. Kelly, when she *is* finally tossed needs to take Lisa Canning with her (who is she anyways?).

Now is the time for a properTom Cruise rant, but who isn't talking about him lately? Tom Cruise marrying Katie Holmes was bizarre enough, but taking on Matt Lauer? WTF???? I mean, I can't stand Matt Lauer, but I was rooting for HIM in the power of the minds.

But, other than that...I've still got some drama going on in my life and I'd like to say that it makes me not want to write as much, but the truth it, I just write about toally inane things to ignore the hurt that's actually going on. Good news is that I'm getting spent. I can't think of anything else shallow and pointless to write about, and even when I have an inkling of an idea I can't put it together when I sit down to type it out.

Where the heck is Nip/Tuck?

Who am I....really??

2005-06-18T17:59:00.001-07:00

According to those reliable and always right online quizzes, my friends see me as painstaking and fussy. I appear very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. I rarely do things impulsively or on the spur of the moment. Instead, I examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. The true me expects my lover to be more relaxed, calm, and composed (than what, it doesn't say....hmmmm....).

With respect to money, I'm a bit stingy. I think good luck doesn't exist - reality is built on practicalities. The hidden side of my personality tends to be methodical - with trouble adapting to the rules of society. I'm the type of person who assumes that the world revolves around me. I actually act my age-pretty much. I'm excited about what's still to come in my life.

Apparently, I'm something of a perfectionist and individulaistic. I'm good at deep mental analysis and complicated reasoning. I'm very sensitive, but also a bit psychic and should follow my hunches. I do not take orders too well, and prefer to work alone or in a situation where I can be the boss. I have a tendency to be somewhat self-centered and a little stubborn (this is true).

My English skills are best in grammar and punctuation, although spelling and vocabulary aren't too bad. If I were a 2004 Hit Song, I would be Float On by Modest Mouse.

My Love/Hate Relationship with Interstates

2005-06-16T08:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I did something that I try to avoid doing. I had to drive on the interstate. I-85 to be exact. Since our car accident in 1999 which happened on I-20, I hate driving on the interstate, but at the same time, I think it can be a very powerful thing. Here I was, in my car alone with a mix CD of my favorite songs playing (as always), the day was beautiful (but woefully HOT), traffic was flowing (too many trucks), and my car was soaring. Then, I felt as if I was playing chicken with the transfer trucks and changing lanes around and among the trucks did more to damage my central nervous system tha sniffing glue or huffing paint ever could.

And, this weekend, we're leaving for vacation. I am always the designated driver. 6 hours in the car. Me behind the wheel. The entire thing makes me NOT want to go on vacation. Grrrrr.

Splintered hearts and 401Ks

2005-06-13T20:08:00.000-07:00

'ello my pets. Today, I did a massive cleaning of my den. I found mail from Feb. that hadn't been opened (and one from December). That's when you know that you've been making the little piles of clutter and pushing them to the perimeter of the room too long. I need to have company over again, which forces me to clean better. [sigh] Yet, there's still lots of cleaning to be done.

Tomorrow, I go fill out my benefits paperwork for the new job. I'm nervous, even though I'm just filling out paperwork. It just gets more and more real, you know?? Yikes!

I started walking tonight and I hope it's something I can keep up with. I haven't been back swimming, but since the summer is here, swim lessons and more water aerobics classes have started. I love swimming and I'd like to do both. And *B* is going to start working with weight lifting with me. Lo weight, hi reps. I don't want to look like a linebacker.

I'm still sad, still suffering through stuff. My heart is still breaking. It hurts so bad and won't stop. It's so hard to put on this face for everyone else when I ache so bad inside. I don't want to drone on and on about what hurts and how it hurts, but it's so difficult to smile when everything inside feels shattered. I'm fractured. I'm evaporating. I look forward to reaching the stage where I'm just numb.

*********************************************

Song Title: Explode
Artist: Frente

Lyrics:
the telephone's a terrorist... i'm not even listening... i'm walking with an audience....what isn't an accident... suddenly here... the worst words explode into love at my ear....i'm waiting to hear the worst words explode into love at my ear

this is not my skin... i was invited in... a sweeter singer than anything... suddenly here... the worst words explode into love at my ear... what's worse than my fears... the worst words explode

fear is my.... atmosphere....falling is frightening.... i don't know what you're doing here... you are like my lightening... suddenly here... the worst words explode into love at my ear... suddenly pure... the worst words explode into love at my ear ...worst words explode...explode....

Sex and the City and Me

2005-06-09T11:48:00.000-07:00

You know, I'm really into this thing of taking online quizzes. You'd know this if you read my blog over at http://www.myspace.com/redmolly. I have now taken the "Which Sex and the City Character Are You" quiz on two different sites, authored by two different people and with completely different questions and I've twice gotten the same response. I'm Miranda. Now I can't see this at all. Miranda is strong and independent and I'm as co-dependent as they come. Heck, I'd have someone else BREATHE for me if it were possible. I lost my strong will when I got married, I think, but I can't explain how the two are related. Other than having a penchant for red hair, I just can't think what it is about our personalities that seem similar. Oh, and I think Steve is totally hot.

The first time I watched "Sex and the City," I hated it. The character Samantha was the most off-putting. Even though through DVD rentals and watching the show in order (for the most part) I came to really like the show. I never lost the repulsion for Samantha, but the show itself actually spoke to me on a very intellectual level. There's a certain mind-set you have to possess in order to get the show. After my first episode, which I caught in a motel room in Greenwood, SC, I finally got it.

I'm not Miranda.

A dude was totally checking me out in a restaurant today. That never gets old.

The Myth of Tom Waits

2005-06-02T07:02:00.000-07:00

I don't quite recall what brought me to Tom Waits's music for the first time. I think that I heard a cover of "O'l 55" (not by the Eagles) and once I discovered who penned the song, I wanted to hear the original. I do know that the first CD I bought was "Closing Time" and I was hooked from the song, "I Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You."

Being a music appreciator, I have found that many artists from different genres cite Tom Waits as one of their influences. His music is important to a lot of people, but his persona is also important to a lot of people. He's eccentric without trying hard to be. He's brilliant, amazing, and I adore him. I'm in awe of him. I think he's beautiful in every way. I try to share his music with those that I love and I get frustrated when they don't get it.

Top 15 Tom Waits Songs

15. "Please Call Me Baby"
14. "Pasties and a G String"
13. "Jersey Girl"
12. "Hope That I Don't Fall In Love With You"
11. "16 Shells..."
10. "Martha"
9. "Virginia Ave."
8. "Step Right Up"
7. "Big in Japan"
6. "Frank's Wild Years"
5. "Christmas Card From A Hooker in Minneapolis"
4. "Heartattack and Vine"
3. "Ruby's Arms"
2. "Come on Up To the House"
1. "Gun St. Girl"

The Fallible English Teacher

2005-05-31T07:47:00.000-07:00

I think everyone has had a bad experience with an English teacher in his or her lifetime. You know, that nit-picky perfectionist who constantly corrected everything that was uttered in his or her presence and made you feel worthless of your privilege to speak English.

When people ask me what I do, and I reply that I'm an English teacher, apparently the worst image next to Freddy Kruger is conjured as I usually get a certain facial expression as a response. You know, kind of a just-tasted-something-sour-smelled-something-foul-oh-and-I'm-constipated kind of look. Then, they start to watch for me to say something grammatically incorrect, spell something incorrectly, or not know the meaning of a word (or at least be able to use it in a sentence). Then, they'll pounce on me and try to jerk away all of my teaching credentials or act as if I'm only impersonating an English teacher. So, people don't want the perfectionist evil English teacher, but it's what's expected of you.

This new job thing is totally freaking me out.

ZBizzle

2005-05-30T19:36:00.000-07:00

At this very moment I just fell madly in love with Zach Braff. It just happened. Wow. And no, I didn't just watch "Garden State"-- I watched that months ago. Bought a copy a few weeks ago. I was just sitting here, online banking and it happened. Bam! Splaadow~! In love with him.

Ok, so to sound less like a crazy person and more like a...well, a crazy person I guess, ZB is brilliant. He's funny, creative, seems to be really sweet, and doesn't take getting Punk'd very well. Apparently, he likes music, as do I. Undoubtedly, he's loaded, but he's the kind of guy you could absolutely adore even if he was poor. Yet, I'm basing this totally on the two-dimensional personality I see on tv where he pretends to be people he really isn't and reading his LiveJournal, which for all I know, could be written by a journalism major from USC that works as his intern (wow, what a great job!). Yet, just as I sat here figuring out where I'd spent all of my money this week, this affection for him just quadrupled and slapped me right in the neck. I'd sell my pinky toe to share a Coke and a cheeseburger with this guy. I'd bargin with my digits for an opportunity to sit and just chat with this quirky, loquacious neo-nerd with the most fantastic lips. Zach Braff is stunning. He's amazing when he pretends to be bored or heatbroken about some fabricated, no doubt scripted, emotion. When he sneezes, I believe it's love. [Ha! Ha! Ok, I just totally robbed that from a Counting Crows song.]

So me and 368,932 other women (and probably a fair amount of men) find this unattainable icon, this nebbish hunk, this self-deprecating anti-hero irresistible.

Zach Braff, please have a milkshake with me.

I have another blogspot

2005-05-27T23:57:00.000-07:00

Alas! I have another blog on blogspot at http://piperbelle.blogspot.com where I actually posted twice. Someone even commented. Wow! Well, person, I'm here now! Come see me here! I wish I knew the password. Hmmmmm.

Angus, Thongs, and Full-Frontal Snogging

2005-05-25T07:49:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading the book by that title. It was an adolescent lit book, but it was great. I loved it. I recommend it to anyone with a stunted emotional age, as myself. I still think I'm fifteen.

Today has started off to be a very good day. I'm now really excited about the new job. I talked to some folks there this morning and I know now that I will be teaching 8th grade. I was invited to a thing next week for teachers. This is the COOLEST.

I'm happy!!!!!!!!!!
*************

Redemption Song

2005-05-19T13:35:00.000-07:00

I got a job offer. I accepted. I suppose that means I am now technically an employed school teacher. Me. I will be teaching. So why am I not happy? Why did I cry a few minutes after calling to accept the position? They were not tears of joy.

*****1. I'm scared. This is my first full-time teaching position and I can't screw it up.

*****2. I'm sad because there's no one to share the news with.

*****3. I need teacher clothes. My student teacher clothes just won't do. But I pumped $3.66 worth of gas in my car today because that was literally every last penny I had. Do you think I can afford new clothes?

*****4. Obsessive compulsive disorder runs strongly in my family. It must be the OCD that makes me cry at everything. I never feel good enough.

*****5. I have a competitive streak with MYSELF and feel like that with this being the job that I least wanted and got, I must have inordinately failed.

I hope that in a few days, I can see this as a good thing. I just wish unemployment paid better.

In fact, I didn't even dress up for the interview because I wasn't sure I wanted this job. Granted, I didn't wear my 1984 Bruce Springsteen t-shirt and Be My Valentine boxer shorts, but I didn't do the suit thing I did for all of the others. I did, however, show cleavage. Apparently, that works.

*********
Song: Two Step
Artist: Dave Matthews Band

Say, my love, I came to you...With best intentions...You laid down and gave to me just what...I’m seeking...Love, you drive me to distraction

Hey my love do you believe that we... Might last a thousand years...Or more if not for this? ...Our flesh and blood it ties...You and me right up...Tie me down

Celebrate we will...Because life is short but sweet for certain..We’re climbing two by two..To be sure these days continue... These things we cannot change

Hey, my love, you came to me like... Wine comes to this mouth.. Grown tired of water all the time... You quench my heart and you... Quench my mind

Celebrate we will... Because life is short but sweet for certain... We’re climbing two by two... To be sure these days continue... The things we cannot...change

Oh, my love, I came to you... With best intentions... You laid down and gave to me just what...I’m seeking

Celebrate we will... Because life is short but sweet for certain... We’re climbing two by two... To be sure these days continue,
Things we cannot change...Things we cannot change.....

Sleeping is no mean art: for its sake one must stay awake all day. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

2005-05-17T10:14:00.000-07:00

Shakespeare said that sleep is our chief nourisher in life. Today, I slept until 11:41 a.m. Now, I did get up at 6:30 and was up until 8, but I went back to bed then and slept until 11:41, but once you remove that hour and half I was up, it's more like I was only asleep until 10:10, which is still pretty astonishing when you think about that for the last five months, I've been up at the latest by 6 a.m. I love sleep. I really, really love to sleep. Apparently, when I was a child, the story goes that I went to Disneyworld with the fam and I slept through the entire trip. There are photos that document this to be true. In every one, I am being wheeled around in a stroller by my favorite Uncle Bobby, who was at the time possibly 12 or 13 years old, and I am asleep. Snoring. ZZZZZZZZZZZ.

In my waking hours, however limited, I've spent some time on MySpace.com. I have an account there.
http://www.myspace.com/redmolly Please go check it out. Especially since it seems to take up a lot of my waking life. Pretty soon, I'll be dreaming about it.

All men whilst they are awake are in one common world: but each of them, when he is asleep, is in a world of his own. ~Plutarch

Once More, With Feeling....

2005-05-12T09:04:00.000-07:00

I am going to officially be a graduate student again. I will take summer school courses and fall courses and exercise my brain to the very brink of exhaustion yet again. I will only get to use 3 credit hours from my previous 30. We'll call that first 30-practice graduate school. Dear Lord, let me finish this time. Let me get the coveted master's degree. My family, nor I, can take another several grueling years of hard work to achieve nothing. Give me the strength to get through. PLEASE.

Also, while I'm on it, I need to get a job. A real one. Real money. Making at least enough to get a certified pre-owned car and pay my bills. All of them, not just the ones I deem important.

**************
Song Title: Coin-Operated Boy
Artist: the Dresden Dolls

coin operated boy ....sitting on the shelf.... he is just a toy...but i turn him on... and he comes to life ...automatic joy ...that is why i want... a coin operated boy

made of plastic and elastic ...he is rugged and long-lasting...who could ever ever ask for more...love without complications galore...many shapes and weights to choose from...i will never leave my bedroom.... i will never cry at night again...wrap my arms around him and pretend....

coin operated boy... all the other real ones that i destroy ...cannot hold a candle to my new boy... and i'll never let him go and i'll never be alone....not with my coin operated boy......

this bridge was written to make you feel smittener...with my sad picture of girl getting bitterer...can you extract me from my plastic fantasy....i didnt think so but im still convinceable....will you persist even after i bet you....a billion dollars that i'll never love you.... will you persist even after i kiss you...goodbye for the last time.... will you keep on trying to prove it?...i'm dying to lose it...confidence

i want it ... i want you...i want a ....coin operated boy.

and if i had a star to wish on... for my life i can't imagine...any flesh and blood could be his match... i can even take him in the bath

coin operated boy... he may not be real experienced with girls... but i know he feels.... like a boy should feel.... isnt that the point... that is why i want a ... coin operated boy.... with his pretty coin operated voice...saying that he loves me that he's thinking of me...straight and to the point...that is why i want

a coin operated boy.....

Quote:
"Six-year-olds and nuclear weapons: a combination that just can't be
beat."-Tom Servo.

The Good That Won't Come Out

2005-05-08T18:42:00.000-07:00

My friend Julie invited me to join MySpace.com like weeks ago and I didn't think much about it at the time, but I went there tonight. In one of the bulletins she had sent me, there were a few quizzes. I just took one of those "How Bad Are You" quizzes and scored a 68, which apparently, was pretty darn bad but not bad enough that I should be hanging my head in shame. I never did drugs, so none of that stuff counted against me.
Also, there was this thing called "walk down memory lane" which of course, started me thinking about stuff. I remember I once gave a guy I liked sea monkeys for his birthday, and he gave me a Saturday Night Live poster of the Copy Guy (Rob Schneider).

I did the Do-It-Yourself highlights today. Subtle blonde. Damn right they're subtle. You can't even tell they're there! $6 for nothing, I guess.

I'm reading a great book right now. "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs." I highly recommend.

********
You say I choose sadness..that it never once has chosen me...Maybe you're right...It's all the good that won't come out of them...and all the stupid lies they hide behind...It's such a big mistake... It's all of the good that won't come out of me...And how eventually my mouth will just turn to dust...If I don't tell you quick.
-- Rilo Kiley
********

How Much Is Too Much?

2005-05-05T14:15:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, I overdo. I'm dramatic. I like to make bold statements. Sometimes, I'm just too much. But how do you know that enough is enough? I mean, I have trouble keeping my knees closed when I wear skirt, how can I be responsible for judging what's just enough, not enough, or too much???

Ok, so here's the deal. I had the second interview. Ok, I had two, but from one, I got the standard "we're-keeping-your-resume-on-file" letter. From the other, I got nothing. What does that mean?? They're considering me? Do I check in? I sent a thank you note. I'm assuring everyone I'm doing all I can. So, is it enough?

And is a card and letter sufficient (not for the job) or should I make a CD, too? Too much? Sheesh. Who am I to judge??

My next-to-last-day of student teaching= TODAY! I'm sad.

Rock Me-Song I'm Singin'

2005-04-25T06:01:00.000-07:00

Oh baby you're young but that's okay
What's give or take nine years anyway
I'll bet you that cigarette
You won't regret my time

I want to be with a guy like you
So uncomplicated, so in tune
Just take off my dress
Let's mess with everybody's mind

I gotta tell you

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Hey yeah yeah
Hey yeah yeah

I want to play Xbox on your floor
Say hi to your roommate who's next door
You don't have a dime, but I don't mind
Who gives a damn

Your record collection don't exist
You don't even know who Liz Phair is
Your potential with no credentials
Your mother taught you how to be a sensitive man
I gotta tell you

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Hey yeah yeah
I've been waitin'
All my life for
Hey yeah yeah
For this feelin'
Who'd 've guessed it could rock me all night
Rock me all night

You think I'm a genius
Think I'm cool
I'm starting to think that young guys rule
Oh God, let me save you
'll I might change you, and I might change my mind

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
Baby, baby, if it's all right
Want you to rock me all night
All night
Yeah rock me all night

Can You Keep A Secret?

2005-04-22T13:36:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, bad. Today, better.

If they do not turn the air conditioner on at school, I will be forced to teach high school seniors naked. Believe me, I'm not trying to be self-depracating when I say, NO ONE wants to see that. I walked around today, moist all over, with sweat. Moist in places I don't want to be moist. Moist, and not in a good way. So, note to school, "Turn on the air and a jig will be forthcoming."

I'm proud of myself. I made dinner. And real dinner. More than tacos. I made Jerk Chicken, mac and cheese, some kind of green veggie. Well, canned veggies, so veggies devoid of any cancer fighting good stuff.

I have something I think I want to tell someone. This person should call me again so I can tell. Shhhhh!

Try Not to Breathe

2005-04-15T19:44:00.000-07:00

Or in my case, just try to breathe. A few days ago, my allergies began reacting to the increased pollen. Itchy eyes, scratchy throat, pain in the ears. Now, I'm just plain sick. Can't breathe. Eyes swollen. I've taken much more cold medicine than one person should. I've used warm compresses on the face. Nothing works. I can't sleep because when I lie down, I cough and cough. This sucks. Why does nothing work?

3 more weeks of student teaching. 2 "second" interviews this week. Very thankful for all of the good things. Need to get rest this weekend, but also need to put together teaching portfolio. Hope I can do both.

************

Top 5 Hot Actors I'd Run Away With (or like to be stranded on a desert island with)

5. Dan Futterman
4. Paul Rudd
3. David Duchovny
2. James Marsters
1. John Cusack

***********

Song Lyrics for this Blog

SONG TITLE: "Sideways"
ARTIST: Citizen Cope

you know it ain't easy ...For these thoughts here to leave me ... There's no words to describe it ... In French or in English

Well, diamonds they fade ... And flowers they bloom ... And I'm telling you ... These feelings won't go away ... They've been knockin' me sideways ... They've been knockin' me out lately ... Whenever you come around me ... These feelings won't go away ... They've been knockin' me sideways ... I keep thinking in a moment that ... Time will take them away...

But these feelings won't go away...

************
Brad-
Glad I could help with suggesting this song? Isn't a perfect to describe that surprising crush on a new person? Can I pick songs, or what? You know you should always trust me.

Part of Your Complete Screwed Up Life

2005-04-14T14:15:00.000-07:00

There is a joke in my family that I never do things the easy way. In order for me to achieve anything, I must get to it the most complicated way possible, even if it's not a complicated process. In other words, I find a way to screw up everything. It's just my nature. Pop used to say I could break an anvil. Then there's the joke about my dark cloud that follows me everywhere. You welcome me into your life, I'll find some way to dismantle things before I leave.

I don't mean to be so difficult. I would like to live a fairly simple existence. I would like for things to come as easy for me as they do for some other people, especially those I deem less deserving (ok, I never said I wasn't a little self-centered). I'm not a fancy girl. I'm low maintenance. I need good music, good books, good friends, and someone to look at me adoringly. Give me some Van Morrison, a glass of wine, dancing in the living room with a someone who thinks I'm the cat's pajamas, and I'm ok.

But I come with baggage.

I have what is called Generalized Anxiety Disorder. This means that occasionally, I will absolutely panic about something that may,to someone else, be no big deal. Like, I used to be terrified of fast food drive-thru windows. You laugh, but it was very real to me. In the first grade, I walked 5 miles toward my house from school because I was scared of being caught without a pencil. I fear that I will board public transportation and it will never stop to let me off. I don't like driving to locations of which I don't intimately know how to get to. I once sat in my car for three hours instead of going to a class I signed up to take in college. Yes, me and this disorder have spent quite a few years together. It's just part of me. Friends joke about my neurotic personality. I hate odd numbers, I don't like things to touch my feet, etc...Yes, it's all cute. But, this paralyzing fear is keeping me from a big step in my life...graduating. I cannot bring myself to take my oral exam. The very thought of it makes me want to slit my wrists. Over the last few days, knowing it was approaching, I've sank into this depression. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin.

Then it hit me. I just can't.

30 credit hours. Six years of my life. A 3.7 GPA. That awful Research class. A summer spent in Digital Publishing. RHETORIC with Jacobi! And I can't do it.

My mind is made up.

So I am researching other grad programs that I can transfer in to. One without an oral exam requirement. I'll lose most of my credit hours and I'm probably staring down another long road of classes.

But still all I need is Van Morrison, a glass of wine, dancing around the living room with a beautiful boy. And I'll be okay.

Quote This!

2005-04-12T17:29:00.000-07:00

When a woman gives birth to a crack baby, you don't buy her a puppy!

My [Partially Borrowed] Theory of the Mix Tape (CD)

2005-04-10T20:32:00.000-07:00

I grew up. literally surrounded my music. My mother listened to it while I was in the womb. I've been told I could only sleep next to a blaring speaker--Led Zep, the Who, -anything loud. I've read that the cassette was invented to make sure that you would not have to listen your mother, in any environment, but especially in the car, from the ages of 13 to 15, but it is because of my mother and her music that I am the afficianado I am today.

And really, I thought I was the only person on the planet who devoted so much time to making mix tapes until I discovered the book “High Fidelity” by Nick Hornby and read,

"I spent hours putting that cassette together. To me, making a tape is like writing a letter -- there's a lot of erasing and rethinking and starting again, and I wanted it to be a good one. A good compilation tape, like breaking up, is hard to do. You've got to kick off with a corker, to hold the attention . . . and then you've got to up it a notch, or cool it a notch, and you can't have white music and black music together, unless the white music sounds like black music, and you can't have two tracks by the same artist side by side, unless you've done the whole thing in pairs and . . . oh, there are loads of rules." (nick h.)

I remember thinking that I had met a soulmate in this author. This is exactly the way I’d thought about my craft. A ridiculous amount of thought goes into every aspect of the mixtape. You have to rearrange the songs time after time until they have the right flow, take out ones that don’t seem to fit even if you really, really wanted to put them on the tape…I mean, there are actually rules. I even found websites dedicated to the rules of the art. However, I think the mixtape is personal, and you can’t really borrow from anyone else’s methods.

Mix tapes for people who are new friends should be a mix of music that they don’t really know but will like. Then they will think you’re cool and listen to your musical advice. Mix tapes for good friends should be like letters written completely in lyrics. Music is a language and mixtapes are fabulous forms of communication. I've always enjoyed making mixtapes for friends. So to steal a line from Nick Hornby himself, “all I have to say about these songs is that I love them, and want to sing along to them, and force other people to listen to them, and get cross when… other people don't like them as much as I do”

If I made you a mix tape (CD), it means that I must love you enough to share my art. For some, it means more. What else can I do but write you a letter in songs? Listen to what the words say. Figure it out.

Apr 4 Was a Bad Day

2005-04-05T02:30:00.000-07:00

Sleepless again, worrying about a day that I cannot change. It was bad. It was one of those experiences where I was mortified and uncomfortable and I never want to think about it again ever, but my mind keeps replaying every teeth-clenching moment of it.... It's like, when I was kid, you know, like five or so, I was with Marlene and Charles in Eckerd. I picked up a pack of Bubblelicious-Watermelon flavored, and was taking it to Marlene to ask if she would buy it. When I got to her, she sternly grabbed my arm and started walking out of the store. She was aggravated about something (she usually was back then) and forcefully dragging me towards the exit. I started to panic because I knew I had the gum in my hand, but she wasn't listening to me so I could ask for the gum. About the time we got to the door, she spotted the gum in my hand and began to yell at me that I was stealing! I tried to tell her the truth, but before I could get it out, I got one swift pop on the behind and I was made to take the gum back to the register (what felt like a mile-long walk) and I had to put the gum back. Then, I got a lecture on shoplifting. I remember that every time I thought about that moment after that, I would get this bitter taste in the back of my throat and my eyes would tear up. I was so embarrassed!! Now, I'm mentally reliving my idiocy from yesterday. I hate it. I hate that feeling. I hate that I was such a moron yesterday, but I was nervous and scared and that's what I do when I'm nervous and scared. I'm still very much a little girl.

Spring Break Ends

2005-04-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

So it's over. No more updating the blog daily, no more wearing pj's until 3 in the afternoon, no more talking on the phone for hours (Tanya, I'm gonna hate to see your phone bill--ha! ha!), no more IM'ing for awhile (sorry, Flub! Just remember, if you're not rich or stupid, you *should* be a democrat! LOL!). Can now justifiably say that I should've used the time off for studying. I did spend one afternoon in Books-a-Million. Does that count? I cleaned the library out of poetry books.

I'm sitting here listening to my new Paste Music Sampler, drinking Sumatra, wearing my old trusty Ramones t-shirt and one contact. I had to throw the left one away and my new contacts won't be here for 2 weeks. I don't want to wait 2 weeks. Even Lens Express and 1-800-Contacts said it would be as long as ten days before they could get them. Uh--not much "express" in their Lens Express, eh?

I've been downloading lots of new music. Really like Kathleen Edwards. I realized that World Cafe on NPR is a lot like my mix CD's I listen to in the car. Also been checking out some emo stuff referred by a fella. The guy's ok, the music might have to grow on me...ha! ha! No, some of it ain't bad. Hopefully, he'll make me a mix or at least let me borrow a few CDs to make my own.

***********************************
[Song lyrics for this blog]

Song Title: Everybody's Stalking
Artist: Badly Drawn Boy

Been feeling high ... Then feeling low ... Strap your hands across my engines ... I'm not a broke so please don't bend me ...You're like neon sign ... Just burn so bright ... Penetrates like an infection ... Gives me feeling I can't mention ...Maybe all I need ... You need to ... Don't wait for me ...I'll wait for you

Gonna follow you around ...Gonna wear you down ... Don't want to alienate you ... As long as it might take you

Things come in ones ... And double up to twos ... Don't want to rain on your procession ... Only seeking you obsession... It might take a little time ... Got all the time we need ... I'm not here to try and fool you ... Just trying to break down thru you ...That's wasn't right ... Then nothings wrong ... I've gotta feeling its alright ....Gotta keep you in my sights

*******************

LAST THOUGHTS: You know, some people are just really, really small. Small-minded, doesn't even begin to describe. I shouldn't be surprised, but the immaturity of people who are supposedly adults...you know, I think that they should just really, really be embarrassed of who they've turned into...two gossipy old vultures full of misinformation. To name them here would be as shallow as they, but I hope they read this and their twisted little faces burn in the knowledge that I know what they're saying, and that they're wrong, and that there are people who know them who just feel really sorry for them. Karma, sweet sisters. KARMA.

Favorites

2005-03-31T06:50:00.000-08:00

[my musical obsessions]

::jennifer daniels::

::kristin hersh::

::rilo kiley::

::grant lee buffalo::

::jack johnson::

::aimee mann ::

::paul mccartney::

::the clash::

::kasey chambers::

::throwing muses::

::the sundays ::

::ani difranco ::

::christine kane::

::tori amos ::

::indigo girls::

::leonard cohen::

:the beatles::

::tom waits::

::cowboy junkies::

::r.e.m.::

[my recommended reading list]

::these people are us--by george singleton::

::heartbreaking work of staggering genuis--by dave eggers::

::somehow form a family--by tony earley::

::high fidelity--by nick hornby::

::about a boy--by nick hornby::

::youth in revolt: the journals of nick twisp--by c.d. payne::

FAQ-from previous blog

2005-03-30T13:09:00.000-08:00

: an introduction::

name: --terri

Where are you from? Pendleton, SC

What are your post-school career plans?--become a fairy princess

How tall are you? --5'4"

Favorite sport? --Hockey

What's under your bed?-- high school and college yearbooks, comic books, my luggage

What's your favorite season? --fall

What model was your first car?-- Black 1988 Nissan Pulsar SE with t-tops

What kind of car do you drive now?-- A 1995 Black Ford Explorer

Do you have any brothers or sisters? --No

What is your favorite thing to drink? -grapefruit juice, orange juice

Favorite sports figure as a child?--Dale Murphy, Atlanta Braves

Who is your Favorite Band? --Throwing Muses

What is your favourite song from a movie? --"In Your Eyes" by Peter Gabriel

What was the coolest thing you owned growing up? -- my Duran Duran scrapbook

Where is the one place that you have always wanted to visit, but have not been?-- Ireland

What was the first album or CD you ever purchased? --Aerosmith's Greatest Hits...

What are the last two digits of your phone number? --90

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? --Carnation pink

What is the first thing you notice about the opposite sex?-- dark hair, I LOVE dark haired men

What do you think you could have been in a former life and why ? --a lounge singer -- I had to be because I constantly sing as loud and obnoxiously as I can

What is your favorite website? --eBay

What was your first computer? --a Mac LC with System 7.1.

What is your favorite book? --"High Fidelity" by Nick Hornby.

What is your most marked characteristic? --my kitty-cat sneeze and crooked fingers

What is your greatest regret? -- not standing up for myself more when I was younger...I'm a hellcat now

What is your most treasured possession?-- My CD collection

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself? --my co-dependency

What is the quality you most like in a man? --being true to oneself...not pretending to be something someone else wants them to be

What do you most value in your friends? --I have friends who always send me cards on my birthday..I wish I could be more like that

If you were to come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?--something that bites

I'm Not the Only One Who Hates FOX News

2005-03-29T18:50:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I saw this late this evening on a messageboard site and Greg, well, I thought of you.

A portion of the article that was posted:

**Device lets you out-Fox your TV**

By Emily Fredrix

It's not that Sam Kimery objects to the views expressed on Fox News Channel. The creator of the "Fox Blocker" contends the network is not news at all.

Kimery says he has sold about 100 of the little silver bits of metal that screw into the back of most televisions, allowing people to filter Fox News from their sets. The Tulsa, Okla., resident also has received thousands of e-mails, both angry and complimentary, as well as a few death threats since the device debuted in August...[snip, snip]

For the rest of the article, see http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/nationworld/2002220590_foxblocker26.html?syndication=rss

But a reply on the messageboard made me think of you-- and that was:

"Some people actually watch FOX news. Those people even masturbate to FOX news." -- taken from Clemsontalk.

Birthday Wish List

2005-03-27T18:39:00.000-08:00

My birthday is coming up. Here's my wish list....

"Closer" on DVD (out this Tuesday!)
Sephora gift certificate
pink iPod mini (....yeah, I know...dream on!)

I don't want to turn 31.

Holding Out for a Hero

2005-03-26T18:28:00.000-08:00

I'm addicted to the news. CNN mostly, Fox News occasionally (but because of their Bush connections, I mistrust them). From so much news watching, I've become convinced of one thing: we live in a world in need of heroes. We're so desperate, in fact, that if we find someone who has some kind of small extraordinariness, we tag him or her like cattle, as a hero for our time. Their sins pass only in our eyes as tiny indiscretions or missteps. It drives me mad.

*Changing the subject*

I am thoroughly enjoying my student teaching. I am learning how to learn...why didn't I just do this 12 years ago? Ah, I probably wouldn't have paid any attention back then--wouldn't have been so dedicated. Boys were a much better subject, took up much more of my time, then. But teaching is sincerely going to bring about some major changes in the ways I look at everything. The hour and a half that I'm with my students flies by and I usually don't even notice that it's time to leave when it's time to go. It really brings out my inner nerd. Not that that's too hard!!

Went to the Jockey Lot today. Bought sunglasses. Was felt up by a Mexican wearing camoflauge. Had Easter dinner with family. Went to church.

[Song Lyrics]

Artist: Throwing Muses
Album: Red Heaven
Song Title: The Visit

I'm proud to see you here... I can't relieve, believe the pressure in my head... It's a game of chance, I whisper in your ear... Fall apart along the way... Don't you ever see it through.... Jesus said in heaven.... There's not that much to do.... I'm proud to see you here... I'm proud to be here with you all... I have a message from your son.... When the ground starts shaking....Watch the gifts inside your home... I have a feeling many aren't for you... Leave your dollars where they fall.... They have a message of their own... When the ground starts shaking..... run....

Keep on running... or so says your son... She's a pillar of your home.... Keep on shaking... or so says your son... She's a vice....

Keep on running... 'Til you can't go on......
***********************
reading: Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging by Louise Rennison
drinking: tea
downloading: live version, "Lover You Should Have Come Over" by Jeff Buckley

can't get this song outta my head....

2005-03-25T20:12:00.000-08:00

LOVER, YOU SHOULD'VE COME OVER

Looking out the door ...I see the rain fall upon the funeral mourners...Parading in a wake of sad relations ...As their shoes fill up with water...And maybe I'm too young...To keep good love from going wrong...But tonight you're on my mind so..
(You'll never know)

I'm broken down and hungry for your love ... With no way to feed it....Where are you tonight...Child, you know how much I need it...Too young to hold on ...And too old to just break free and run

Sometimes a man gets carried away... When he feels like he should be having his fun....And much too blind to see the damage he's done... Sometimes a man must awake to find that, really...He has no-one...

So I'll wait for you... And I'll burn oh...Will I ever see your sweet return... Oh, will I ever learn... Lover, you should've come over
....'Cause it's not too late.

Lonely is the room the bed is made.... The open window lets the rain in... Burning in the corner is the only one ...Who dreams he had you with him ...My body turns...And yearns for a sleep that will never come...It's never over...

*[myfavoritelines]*

My kingdom for a kiss upon her shoulder...It's never over... All my riches for her smiles when I slept so soft against her...
It's never over... All my blood for the sweetness of her laughter... It's never over... She is the tear that hangs inside my soul forever... Maybe I'm just too young... To keep good love from going wrong ....Oh... lover you should've come over...
.....'Cause it's not too late...

*[endfavoritelines]*

I feel too young to hold on...I'm much too old to break free and run...Too deaf, dumb, and blind...To see the damage I've done...Sweet lover, you should've come over... Oh, love I waited for you

Lover, you should've come over.......'Cause it's not too late

*********

For M-

Here are some of the links I told you about:

What To Do In Case of a Terrorist Attack (from Houston Chronicle)--you will laugh your arse off!!
http://e-wok.com.au/e-Spam/e-Spam.php?intSpamID=209

The End of the World- also hilarious!
http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/end.php

And by the way, I still want my Pepsi cap. I know it's in your truck...get it out!! If not, I'll cut off your chocolate supply.

********************

On task for today...

2005-03-25T08:21:00.000-08:00

Getting new contacts- goodbye glasses!!

Putting winter sweaters in boxes, rediscovering short sleeves!

Wal-Mart

Dusting off the orals notes

Make CD for Amber

Taking a nap

Cleaning closets

*********************
Quote for today: "Strange things are afoot at the Circle K."--Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure

*********************
Song Lyrics

Title: Pick Yer Nose
Artist: Ani Difranco

how come i can pick my ears but not my nose... who made up that rule anyway...how can you say that's the way it is that's just the way it goes... why don't you decide for yourself what you can do and what you can say...

how come i can pick my friends but not my enemies... what is it about me that offends.... what is it about me... 'cause you know i'm only five foot two... and i'm giggly wiggly... tell me again, what did i do.... why are you scared of me... i fight with love... and i laugh with rage.... you've gotta live light enough to see the humor.... and long enough to see some change....

i think shy is boring... i think depressed is too.... i think pretty is nice.... but i'd rather see something new..... all these plastic people got their plastic surgery... but we got a big big beautiful... we got it for free... who you gonna be... if you can't be yourself... you can't get it from t.v. you can't force it on anybody else...

you know they come to clear cut... they come to strip mine.... they come for some of my big butt my big brain or just a little time... they wanna take me out to dinner.... think i'm a bitch if i don't go... seems like the people who actually like me won't allow me to say no... your idea of a conversation is the third degree... but i don't really know you and i don't really want to talk about me....

'cause i'm not going to pretend that i don't pick my nose... that's just the way it is, my friends that's just the way it goes... this is who i am... what i do and what i say.... if you like it, let it be.... if you don't, please do the same....

i fight with love... i laugh with rage... you gotta live light enough to see the humor... and long enough to see some change

Why I Hate Stealing from the British

2005-03-24T17:15:00.000-08:00

I'm sad about the demise of my Clemson blog, which I've been working on steadily for a couple of years...which had lots of my more intimate thoughts, not to mention great photos, since 2000! I have no idea why it was taken down, or by whom, but through the grapevine, I've heard that all blogs on Clemson servers were terminated. Will try to provide links to my pages to see if they are still working.

I don't know why it annoys me so, but this new television show coming on NBC, "The Office" is a purposeful rip-off of the British comedy by the same name. See, the thing is, British people are funny and Americans, well, not so much. It really aggravates me that someone at NBC took Ricky Gervais's idea and thought that it would work as an American comedy. It was stellar the way it was--in Britain. We don't need to pervert that in anyway. It will just be all wrong and embarrassing. The commercials are not at all funny. Yes, I admit, I liked it much better when I rented the British version on DVD and had to really struggle to understand what they said. I like it better when I don't understand the euphemisms. I mean, at least by the fourth episode, I kind of knew when I was supposed to laugh. Grrrr! It's "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" all over again. Much better, British, Drew Carey. Americans overact. This show thrived off being understated. It won't work. [Of course, I thought "Friends" would never make it, too, so perhaps I'm not the best judge of these kinds of things.] I choose to boycot.

There may be an opportunity to go see a theater version of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" and I can't wait! I haven't been to a show in about two years. I've got to do some research, but I really hope it works out. Wish I'd gotten the Magenta costume off eBay now.....

The interview went well. The last words as I left the interviewer's office was, "Don't sign any contracts before you hear from us." I really want this to work out.

Is winter really gone?

***********
Song Lyrics

Artist: Talking Heads
Song Title: Once in a Lifetime

And you may find yourself living in a shotgun shack... And you may find yourself in another part of the world... And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile... And you may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful
wife... And you may ask yourself-Well...How did I get here?

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down... Letting the days go by/water flowing underground... Into the blue again/after the money's gone...Once in a lifetime/water flowing underground.

And you may ask yourself... How do I work this?....And you may ask yourself.... Where is that large automobile?...And you may tell yourself....This is not my beautiful house!...And you may tell yourself....This is not my beautiful wife!

Same as it ever was...

Water dissolving...and water removing...There is water at the bottom of the ocean....Carry the water at the bottom of the ocean...Remove the water at the bottom of the ocean!

Letting the days go by/let the water hold me down...Letting the days go by/water flowing underground...Into the blue again/in the silent water.... Under the rocks and stones/there is water underground.

And you may ask yourself... What is that beautiful house...And you may ask yourself.... Where does that highway go... And you may ask yourself... Am I right?...Am I wrong.... And you may tell yourself... MY GOD!...WHAT HAVE I DONE?

Same as it ever was...
********************************
Tonight, I am....

drinking: orange juice
singing: "volcano"- damien rice
reading: junk mail
wishing: for contact(?)
feeling: a headache
watching: i have three movies from Netflix.... "alfie," "x-files season 2 disc 2," and i forgot the other one

Day Before the Interview

2005-03-22T16:47:00.000-08:00

You must be charming! You must be charming! You must be charming!

Am I charming yet?

Got an interview tomorrow. Have 14 hours to memorize all of those education books I've bought. Must knock their socks off. Have ingrown toenail.

Tired of all the Easter commercials.

I am not paying $16 for one pair of underwear. I have to write something about how I cultivate mulitcultural stuff in my classroom and how I accomodate unique students. I live in SC. There are no unique or multicultural students.

Rich people lead very different lives than I do. Apparently, I will pay $9 for one pair of panties if they're cute enough. Ribbons make all the difference. Refuse to pay $9 for a thong, though. I spend too much time already trying to get underwear out of my ass. Note to self- don't pull at underwear during interview.

**SONG LYRICS**

Artist: Liz Phair
Song: "Rock Me"

"Rock Me"

Oh baby you're young but that's okay...What's give or take nine years anyway... I'll bet you that cigarette... You won't regret my time

I want to be with a guy like you...So uncomplicated, so in tune...Just take off my dress...Let's mess with everybody's mind

I gotta tell you...Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right... Want you to rock me all night... Baby, baby, if it's all right... Want you to rock me all night... All night... Yeah rock me all night

I want to play Xbox on your floor... Say hi to your roommate who's next door... You don't have a dime, but I don't mind... Who gives a damn

Your record collection don't exist... You don't even know who Liz Phair is... Your potential with no credentials... Your mother taught you how to be a sensitive man... I gotta tell you

I've been waitin'... All my life for... Hey yeah yeah... For this feelin'... Who'd 've guessed it could rock me all night... Rock me all night

You think I'm a genius... Think I'm cool.... I'm starting to think that young guys rule... Oh God, let me save you... I might change you, and I might change my mind

Baby, baby, baby, if it's all right... Want you to rock me all night... Baby, baby, if it's all right... Want you to rock me all night...
All night...Yeah rock me all night
**********************************************

Eating: warm brownies & milk
Doing: shopping for prom dress (at 30...ha! ha!)
Watching: Gilmore Girls reruns

******************************************
QUOTE:

"Looks like I picked the wrong day to quit sniffing glue!" - Airplane!

She Must Be Crazy!

2005-03-17T23:55:00.000-08:00

REST OF POST DELETED!

Butterflies.

Listening to: "Sleeps with Butterflies"- Tori Amos
Feeling: bad day [snip. snip]
Last thing i accessed on web: Unit Plan for Short Stories
Watching: Channel One video on "A Worn Path"
****************************************
Lyrics

Song Title: "Sleeps With Butterflies"
Artist: Tori Amos
CD" The Beekeeper

Airplanes...Take you away again...Are you flying...Above where we live... Then I look up a glare in my eyes... Are you having regrets about last night...I'm not but I like rivers that rush in... So then I dove in...Is there trouble ahead...For you the acrobat
I won't push you unless you have a net

***You say the word...You know I will find you...Or if you need some time...I don't mind...I don't hold on...To the tail of your kite..I'm not like the girls that you've known...But I believe I'm worth coming home to...Kiss away night***

...This girl only sleeps with butterflies...With butterflies...So go on and fly then boy

Balloons...Look good from on the ground...I fear with pins and needles around...We may fall then stumble...Upon a carousel
..It could take us anywhere

I'm not like the girls that you've known...But I believe I'm worth coming home to...Kiss away night...This girl only sleeps with butterflies...With butterflies

Sleepless...

2005-03-12T04:28:00.001-08:00

I can't believe it's 4 in the morning, and I can't sleep. I love sleeping. I do it very well, actually. Yet lately, I've had sleepless episode after sleepless episode. My mind still wants to be awake...reminds me of all the stuff I actually need to be doing. "Study for orals," it screams in my ears. "Do laundry." BOTH of those things, I actually should be doing. "Find your favorite cream-colored boatneck sweater everyone compliments you on before Monday. You're gonna need to feel pretty!"

[snip, snip!]

Cream-colored boat-neck sweater or not, I'm going to have a hard time feeling pretty with the exaggerated limp my pedicure has given me. This injury really hurts!

It's now nearing five a.m. No rest for the wicked, and no sleep for me.

[Song]

Song Title: "Against All Odds"
Artist: a remake by the Postal Service
Album: Give Up

How can I just let you walk away... Just let you leave without a trace... When I stand here taking every breath with you... You're the only one who really knew me at all

How can you just walk away from me... When all I can do is watch you leave?... 'Cause we shared the laughter and the pain... And even shared the tears... You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now... There's just an empty space... There's nothing left here to remind me... Just the memory of your face... But take a look at me now... There's just an empty space... And you coming back to me is against the odds... And that's what I've gotta face

I wish I could just make you turn around... Turn around and see me cry... There's so much I need to say to you... So many reasons why... You're the only one who really knew me at all

So take a look at me now... There's just an empty space... And there's nothing left here to remind me... Just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now... I'll just be standing here... And you coming back to me... Is against the odds... And that's a chance I've gotta face...............

2005-03-05T19:32:00.000-08:00

Brand New-For the Third Time

[Blog for Today]

So she tries again to have a successful blog. The third time may be the charm.

What does one do in a new blog but begin at the beginning. Welcome to my little space on the INTARWEB where I will tell you lies in order to make you love me. I feel that first, there must be a list. Things imperative for you to know more about me.

[The Top 5 Things To Know About This Blogger]- that are mostly true.

5. I'm not a low-carb dieter because I like bread, a lot.

4. I can't define for you what a "polynomial" actually is, much to the chagrin of my high school math teachers.

3. I will make you a CD if you have in any way impacted my life. It's my way of saying I love something about you.

2. My mother says I always smell like lemons.

1. As a child, my mother used to sing John Denver's "Sunshine On My Shoulder" to me to make me go to sleep. The song still makes me sleepy.

[At This Very Moment While Blogging]

It's 1:50 a.m. on Mar. 5, I'm listening to music from iTunes (just downloaded a new Tori Amos), I'm drinking now-slightly cold Hot Apple Cider. I'm shopping online at Sephora.com and thinking about someone. I'm wearing my two-year old cotton snowman nightgown (for the freaks out there who like to know that kind of information). I visited the doctor today and have a sinus infection. I got two shots. I took cough syrup with codeine, forgetting that it keeps me awake. I can hear my dogs outside, knocking into my deck furniture. There's 20 oz of Petroleum Jelly sitting next to my computer, as I look on clothing websites for an outfit to wear to my job interview on Mar. 23. I was very sad over lunch today and couldn't eat my alfredo. The Petroleum Jelly is for my chapped lips, but 20 oz. is a lot. I have an obsessive personality. I think, if past lives exist, I must have been a lounge singer. I love to sing as loud and obnoxiously as I can.

[Top 5 Songs I Love Listening to in My Car This Week]:

5. "Somebody Told Me" -- the Killers

4. "Portions for Foxes" -- Rilo Kiley

3. "Lover, You Should Have Come Over" -- Jeff Buckley

2. "Dancing With Myself" -- the Donnas

1. "Deep Wilson"-- Kristin Hersh

[THIS BLOG POSTING's SONG LYRICS]

Artist: Liz Phair
Song: Why Can't I

Get a load of me, get a load of you... Walkin' down the street, and I hardly know you... It's just like we were meant to be... Holding hands with you when we're out at night... Got a girlfriend, you say it isn't right... And I've got someone waiting too

What if this is just the beginning... We're already wet, and we're gonna go swimming

Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you... Why can't I speak whenever I talk about you... It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it... So tell me... Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

Isn't this the best part of breakin' up... Finding someone else you can't get enough of... Someone who wants to be with you too

It's an itch we know we are gonna scratch... Gonna take a while for this egg to hatch... But wouldn't it be beautiful... Here we go, we're at the beginning... We haven't fucked yet, but my heads spinning

Why can't I breathe whenever ...

High enough for you to make me wonder.... Where it's goin'... High enough for you to pull me under... Somethin's growin' out of this that we can control...Baby I am dyin'

Why can't I breathe whenever...

It's inevitable, it's a fact that we're gonna get down to it... So tell me... Why can't I breathe whenever I think about you

[This Blog's Featured Quote]

Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation.
Oscar Wilde, De Profundis, 1905

And to all, a goodnight.......